There is this wedding joke of a roll-call in heaven where the angel said that those men who are humble should stand on his (the Angel's) right and those arrogant on his left, and all rushed to the angels right hand. But curiously enough there was one man who was on the Angel's left, and that prompted the angel to ask why and his response will surprise you, he said to the angel, "sir it was my wife who asked me to stand here..." Happy International Women's Day to all our wonderful women (especially to those married)!!
Text: 1Peter 3:1-7 (Cf. Eph. 5:22-33)
Let me begin with this preamble to which lays the foundation of what I will be sharing here; that "the Bible is supra-cultural".
Anyone who upholds marriage (the union of a man and a woman) in high esteem knows that marriage is an institution ordained by God and therefore should be treated with all the dignity it deserves. From the beginning, in Gen. 1:27 God created both man and woman on the sixth day. But in Gen. 2:15 man was without a woman, and God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone"(Gen. 2:18). And because of this God made a woman for him, from him. The Bible further said, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh" (Gen. 2:24). This is the Genesis of marriage. And to quickly add that the woman was in God’s original plan; don’t get it distorted, as has been in recent past.
But like any institution, there is a blue-print, indicating how things are or ought to be done. There should be a detailed plan of how to go about marriage and how to sustain it. This we say is the challenge of both young and old marriages.
I must say that this is not a lecture about my marriage but marriage as I see it from the Scriptures and as we continue to apply these principles to our lives and marriage has had some tremendous results. I will therefore save the joys and not so joyous moments of my marriage for another write-up.
Some remarks about our text, 1 Peter 3:1-7
Before our text, there has been an address to the church and how we have to conduct ourselves; how we have to imitate Christ in word and conduct.
Women are addressed first both in our text and in Ephesians.
In this text I elaborate on three critical pointers of how God wants us to view and work towards a sustaining marriage:
Love and Respect (1Peter 3:2): "as they observe your chaste and respectful behaviour" (NASB) To the wife, she is to respect her husband and this is clear in Eph. 5:33, "…and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband", while the husband is mandated to love his wife. Love and respect is part of the basic psychological needs we all crave for at least according to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Eph. 5:28 shows us how husbands should love their wives; "like their own bodies." Reader-response (in three languages): (in English) husband: "I love you", wife: "I respect you"; (in Chinese) husband: "Wo ai ni", wife: "wo zun jing ni"; (in Tagalog - Filipino) husband: "mahal kita", wife: "nirerespeto kita".
Order: "Head" and submission For any institution to work properly, there has to be order. And the same is true for marriage. The man is the HEAD (Eph. 5:23), "For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church…", whereas the woman is required to “submit/ be subject to their own husbands, as to the Lord" (Eph. 5:22). I want to tell our wives that there is "beauty" (1Pet. 3:1a, 3) and honour in submission. It is a place of love, an excellent place indeed. Therefore, the wife’s beauty is in submission and not merely in external adornment. Haven said that, it is proper to point out here, that, every head of an institution has a responsibility, and for the husband one of them is to "love your wife". In relation to this, I don’t think that it is only the man who needs to be understood because he is the head, but as our text puts it, "husbands should live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman” (1Pet. 3:7). Also, A man without a vision is not a man worth following. How well, then, is he going to lead if he does not know where he is going. It is worth noting that the woman comes under the authority of her husband; you (women) are not necessarily "authority sharers" in the context of marriage even though both of you are heirs of the Kingdom of God. Deciding not to be subject to your husband means you are rebelling and I believe that God is not going to accept that. For the men, is it true that a man loves the one he serves (God) and the one who "serves" him (good wife), but fights the one who strives to be at par with him (a rebellious wife)? Taking our roles in marriage pleases God and brings lasting happiness.
The Balance Power, they say corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. The man is the head and the woman is to be honoured as a "fellow heir of the grace of life" (1 Pet. 3:7). The woman should not be treated as a slave or some unwanted entity because the man is head. The Bible says if we don't honour her (which I think brings the balance in marriage), our prayers will be hindered (1 Pet. 3:7). Balance therefore is key to an answered prayer!
NB: These thoughts are the author's convictions about the Scriptures and might not be acceptable by all. Even so, they have been written as I have pondered over the text and my own (very young) marriage. And I hope it blesses many more young and even old marriages.