Introduction
“The future of any society depends first and foremost on the quality of its parenting”.[1] The Akan (a majority tribe in Ghana-West Africa) adage, “ɔkɔtɔ nwo anomaa”, literally, “the crab does not give birth to a bird” means that one produces its own kind, and any society probably, from their style of parenting produces their own kind to continue or pass on its culturally shared values, beliefs and practices. Over the years Ghana has experienced some amount of transformation in the face of global civilization resulting in the way and manner parenting is done. There has been the rise of career women (mostly single women or parents) in the society which has given a glimmer of hope to up and coming girls and for that matter women in general.
Ghanaian women unconstitutionally or unconsciously are perceived as the active agent or tasked with the responsibility of parenting in the home, this challenge they have gracefully accepted and executed. Women have generally fared well in their responsibility but only to say that this social arrangement or agreement has not gone well in recent years. This is because women in Ghana have gradually upgraded themselves through education and that they are not simply seen as house-wives but are also useful and productive in the economic and social development of the Nation. This has resulted in some women taking on creative and what is sometimes termed as “jobs for men” (like Engineering, Banking, etc.) at the neglect or expense of their homes and children. As a result there has been wide-spread of social vices and decadence in the society, although they (these career women) are not completely to blame.
What this paper seeks to do is to look at solutions to the growing challenge Career Women or women gainfully employed poses to parenting in Ghana and the way forward. This has been necessitated by the growing unrest in the home and the blame-game as to who is really responsible for the rearing of children. The position adopted by this paper is that parenting is the responsibility of both parents (the man and woman) once they have agreed on having children. It is Popkin who notes that “if you have children, then you’ve also accepted the challenge of being a parent”.[2] But what can be done to help career women become more effective in parenting in a culture and society that places the responsibility of parenting predominantly on women (whether knowingly or unknowingly), especially in the age of globalization?
This work will look at the Historical Background of parenting (especially single
parenting who are also career women); a review of the various styles of parenting; a look at parenting in light of my personal experience of haven been parented by a single mother; which parenting style career women should adopt (This research therefore proposes that the Democratic or authoritative style of parenting is one that consolidates Ghana’s Democratic successes over the years and the inclination of many women to find career jobs which befit their status in the society). I will also provide a four-step approach with a practical application to dealing with uncompromising children in a career woman’s parenting experience and finally a look at some misconceptions of some biblical texts on parenting.
Historical Background
In the West African nation of Ghana, the family is considered the strongest social institution, affecting emotional, cognitive, and social development, as well as vocational networks and political associations. It thrives on the extended family. A lineage or extended family is a large family group in which all members have a common ancestor, either male or female, unlike the “individualist social ethic of the [West]….”[3] Lineage could be as important as or even far more important than one’s spouse. This is because the lineage can take responsibilities like parenting and even shoulder some financial obligation like paying of children’s school fees.
Ghana has over the years been described as a beacon of hope in its democratic credentials, political stability and peace, in the West African sub-region and Africa as a whole. It also enjoys rapid economic growth and human development.[4] It is the first country south of the Sahara to gain independence from European power, specifically the British. It is a country which abounds in a wealth of natural resources and recently became a lower-middle income country[5]. In spite of all these positives about Ghana, it is faced with multifaceted social and economic problems like poverty, unemployment, rise of social decadence among others. As much as the onus on alleviating these multidimensional problems presently mainly depends on the government, the future responsibility falls on the youth. This would be possible if the youth are properly developed cognitively as children and receive quality and high standards of nurturing during their formative years.
In Ghana, children are views as members of either their mother’s or father’s lineage (extended family), but not both. But with the believe that custom was inadequate, and in an attempt to promote the nuclear family, Ghana enacted the Intestate Succession (PNDC) Law 111, 1985 and 1998 Children’s Act 560 to force men to provide for their widows and children, as practiced in the West. The Law 111 was rarely implemented. The neglect of men especially to take care of their children imposed an unconstitutional responsibility upon the woman to be the active agent engaged in parenting.
Ghana practices both a matrilineal and patrilineal line of inheritance but with the Akan’s (arguably the majority ethnic group) practicing the matrilineal type of inheritance. Even though the matriarchal structure is considered dominant (widespread in Akan groups than in less matrilineal groups like Ga-Adangbe and Mole-Dagbani)[6], the head of the home is always the male. But men have often neglected their responsibilities in the home or reduced that to just providing shelter and food for their families, thereby pushing most of the responsibility of parenting onto the mother. Women are generally considered caring and compassionate and in the face of divorce, they mostly become the custodian of the child or children that evolved from the marriage, leaving the man with the responsibility of providing for the material needs (like food, clothing, and shelter) for the children. This has been the adjudication both by law and the society at large.
In a typical Ghanaian home, parenting (caring and compassion but also pampering) was done predominantly by the mother while the father came in with reward and punishment to coerce the child to conform to the instructions and directions of the mother to whom the child had rebelled. Children were subsequently afraid of their fathers but familiar with their mothers who were a constant presence at home. Perhaps the two sides of the same coin style of parenting from both the father and mother worked well for the well-being and nurturing of children in the home, although fathers were not considered as caring and sympathetic enough. This view of fathers in the home was clear for all to see. It is always said in the Ghanaian society that when children travel, it’s their mothers they think of first, subsequently buying them gifts on their return home. On the other hand, fathers are given “big towels” literally for their fearsome presence in the home. Perhaps this historical precedent made fathers neglect their responsibilities to their children, heaping the pressure that comes with parenting on their wives.
Today, some women if not majority of them are not perceived as house-wives and have taken their careers seriously in order to compete favourably with their male counterparts in the society. This has resulted in decadence rearing its ugly head amongst many Ghanaian societies, although they (career women) are not totally to blame. This adventure of career women especially single parents (either as a result of divorce, separation or death) to step in a dual role as both fathers and mothers to their children by providing food and shelter as well as parenting them have drawn many parents to resort to various parenting styles in raising up their children. For the career woman, this style of life determines how the woman adopts to the challenges in her life (parenting) and ways in which she can create solutions and means of achieving goals.[7] This is a tall order for her (especially single parents) who couple as career woman.
Parenting Styles
Huxley[8] defined parenting styles as the manner in which parents express their beliefs about how to be a good or bad parent by adopting styles of parenting learned from their parents because they do not know what else to do and because they feel that their way of parenting is the right way. However, this may not always be the case as some parents may adopt parenting styles that are directly opposite to that of their parents if they find them ineffective.
The concept of parenting styles was developed by Baumrind[9] after conducting a study on more than 100 preschool-age children and identified four important dimensions of parenting. These dimensions were, disciplinary strategies, communication styles, warmth and nurturance and expectations of maturity and control. Based on these four dimensions, Baumrind suggested that the majority of parents display one of three different parenting styles. These are authoritative, authoritarian and permissive parenting styles.
Further studies by Maccoby and Martin[10] based on two major elements of demandingness and responsiveness, which is a modification of Baumrind’s dimensions of parenting also, suggested the addition of a fourth parenting style. This is the Neglectful or Rejecting parenting style. Parental responsiveness (parental warmth or supportiveness) refers to the extent to which parents intentionally foster individuality, self-regulation, and self-assertion by being attuned, supportive, and acquiescent to children’s special needs and demands. Parental demandingness, on the other hand, also referred to as behavioral control, refers to the claims parents make on children to become integrated into the family, by their maturity demands, supervision, disciplinary efforts and willingness to confront the child who disobeys. However the focus of this work will be on the first three parenting styles.
Authoritative style of Parenting
This style of parenting in many ways is a synthesis of the authoritarian and the permissive styles of parenting. It is referred to in other instances as the democratic style of parenting. When Popkin describes the parent of this style, he asserts that he/she is “a leader who encourages cooperation and stimulates learning. He or she is also a leader who establishes order and routine, using disciple that respects those who are led.”[11] Authoritative parents put some limits and controls on their children’s actions, but also allow verbal dialogue which promotes parental responsiveness, encourages independence, social and cognitive competence, self-reliance and social responsibility in the children. This is the style of parenting this research adheres to and advocates.
Authoritarian style of parenting
This parenting style is high in disciplinary strategies and expectations of maturity and control but low in warmth and nurturance and communication styles. The purpose is to limit the child’s negative behaviours. Popkin emphasises that such parent uses reward and punishment as tools to enforce his or her orders. It is mostly assumed that people are at worst evil or at best dangerous in nature.[12] In many Ghanaian homes where this style is adopted, there is a greater emphasis on obedience as a way of stamping out the child’s desire to be self-willed so as to be fit for the society. Research on parenting styles in Ghana is sparse, but preliminary studies demonstrate that adolescents tend to view their parents as authoritarian in approach.[13]
Permissive style of parenting
This style is high in warmth and nurturance but low in terms of disciplinary strategies, communication styles and expectations of control and maturity. Perhaps this is the style adopted by many high class working citizens and career women due to their lack of time for the pressing needs of their homes and children. Parents under this style of parenting try to provide accommodative and conducive atmosphere in the house for their children to “do their own thing”. Here, parents assume that people are not only basically good but are also capable of self-regulation, and that given sufficient freedom, children will learn from their own experiences. Perhaps the individual or child is encouraged through this style to become responsible for his or her own success or failure but also promises each equal chance.[14] The Ghanaian culture does in no wise promote this style of parenting except to say that it has become necessary due to globalization or even industrialization.
Single Parent, Career woman
A single parent is one (either male or female) who has the task of raising-up or rearing a child or children into adulthood. According to the Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary and Thesaurus, a career woman is “a woman who considers her job and success in her job to be very important in her life”. Career women and single parents have something in common; they mostly have to raise their children alone. Single parents especially mothers, have the herculean task of raising their children up to fit their society’s standards. But what is even more difficult is when these single parents have but no option, except to pursue a career for living, which happens to be the case in Ghana today.
With their sight fixed on providing for the needs of their child or children, alone, in an urban city due to the demise of one spouse or even divorce, there always seem to be a greater tendency to relinquish the responsibility of parenting onto the child. The child is expected to bath, dress and be ready to go to school all by him/herself while the mother (single parent) sets out for early work. There is no oversight responsibility over the child. Usually these parents (single parents) adopt a permissive or authoritarian style of parenting at the cost of producing an adult who is fit for the society.
My Story
I consider myself raised by a single parent, career woman. My mother, Comfort was a single parent although married now, who would go all length to provide for the needs of our little home – which comprised of her two sons; Eric and I. Because my mother wanted the best for us, she always strived hard to make earns meet at the expense of our emotional and psychological needs. As a single parent, my mother desired the best for us, but it seemed that the more effort she put into raising us the best way she could, the more wayward we were becoming.
Naturally for a single Ghanaian mother, she would frequently confess, “I wish I had a male counterpart (husband) to help straighten you guys up” in reference to our (my brother and I) stubbornness. Christ was never the center of her parenting philosophy. I do not say this to mean that those with Christ at the center of their parenting philosophy have not had their children go wayward but to say that without Christ we have never began dealing with the issues that come with parenting. This is because God is the first parent (of course, parent to Adam and Eve). For a guide to parenting, it is Byrd and Warren who noted that, “Parents need look no farther than the Scriptures to find a guideline for producing change in the young child.”[15]
Reward and punishment (Corporal punishment) was the medium used in parenting us. She never hesitated to straighten us with the rod. Out of love my mother always desired that we would become the best of children who will not only bring honour to her but also to the society we lived in. Anytime we did something good or right, there were no comments, as those were deemed expected of us, but whenever we went contrary to what she deemed right, the hardest form of punishment awaited us.
I remember coming home as late as seven, eight O’clock in the evening one day; haven spent the whole day out playing soccer with some friends. Before I got home my mother had stepped out of the house literally threatening to “kill” me for spending the whole day out instead of helping her in the house with some house chores. Because I knew she could literally kill me (I thought so because I had experienced some tough times with her, although today I know she was doing all that out of love; to save me from “eternal damage”), I ran away for my life and slept outside until the following morning when I besieged some elderly men in our community to plead with my mother on my behave. The interesting thing is that I almost often committed the same mistakes.
My mother used threatening words, hard labour like squatting “on my heels” for 30-45minutes, inserting ginger into my “back door” and on our face, to name a few as ways to prevent us (my brother and I) from doing things she considered unacceptable. On the other hand, when we were in the good books of my mother, she pampered us by preparing for us our favourite dishes. These were in the early 90’s. I guess situations have changed and perhaps given the same situation or circumstance today, she will act differently than she did in the past, especially now that she is Christian. I strongly believe my mother loved us, even with those crooked disciplinary measures, except to say that she didn’t have the right training and parenting while growing up. She mostly talked to us at our leisure times how she was maltreated and mal-handled by her own mother. Perhaps, similar parenting styles were passed on to her from the way she treated us.
Today, as I prepare myself to be a parent in the near future, I do not desire for my children to go through what I went through, because my mother’s parenting style(s) is not what I desire to implement. For that matter, I would want to do something my mother didn’t do which resulted in her way and manner of parenting; “to re-parent myself to become a gracious parent”[16] These styles of parenting by my mother were never authoritative style of parenting. Who knows how we would have turned out to be if it had not been for the grace of God that saved us? I came to know the Lord at the age of twelve (12), and thankfully, this led to the transformation that began in my life even until today.
The Best Parenting Style for a Single Parent, Career woman
In today’s contemporary societies, grandmothers and extended family relatives are not a constant presence in our homes like it used to be in the past. Before, parenting was a shared responsibility of the members of the extended family, but due to modernization this is gradually fading out. The authoritative style of parenting is therefore the best style which has the capacity to lead to positive developmental outcomes in children if its dimensions are constantly enforced by balancing the dimensions of disciplinary strategies, warmth and nurture, communication styles and expectations of maturity and control. By adopting this style of parenting, parents must ensure that they consistently enforce the dimensions that go with it so as to yield the expected developmental results and to develop the right child outcomes.
Perhaps, for single parents who also couple as career women, regular invitation of family members like, grandmothers, uncles and aunties to their homes are necessary for the neutralizing of any tension that prevail in the home. These family members perhaps with their worth of experience could help mothers cope well with uncompromising children. In the past when a woman gave birth to her first child or even second child, there was always an invitation to an elderly woman in the extended family; like her mother, to come over and help her. These were geared toward ensuring that the “new mother” learned from the more experienced ones so as to be capable of handling new-born babies in the future. Why can’t we adopt same in the area of parenting? Why should we treat out children any less than we would want to be treated?
Four Step Approach[17]
What practical ways can be helpful to a single parent in handling the challenges of an uncompromising son or even daughter? Of course, there is no better way than to resort to the Bible. But the following four step approach has a firmly rooted biblical foundation that has stood the test of time in parenting and counseling in general. These four step approach are as follows; 1) identify the problem, 2) attempted Solutions, 3) Setting Goals, and 4) Implementation of Goals. This approach will be used in dealing with my struggles when I was a child. I stayed out for a long time and enjoyed company with friends playing soccer than staying home. How can this approach help in dealing with this situation if my mother were to use this approach?
Identify the Problem
As the old adage goes, “identifying the problem is half-way the solution to the problem.” The problem can then be defined in a solvable way. The problem under review can be restated as follows, “How can I increase time spent at home, so as to help my mother with the house chores?” instead of “how can I be stopped from playing soccer as that hinders productivity at home?” By stating the problem as in the first instance, there has been a labeling of the problem into a more solvable one. Perhaps, it might be hard to stop me completely from going out to play with his friends but a least a process of limiting the amount of time spent outside would have been initiated at best.
By defining the problem, there has now been a clear distinction of what can be changed and perhaps what cannot be changed. From the look of thing, with the persistence of my mother to correct what she saw as an unacceptable social behavior, it was clear that it was difficult to reform me outright into the kind of person she wanted me to be but also granting that, it was possible for me to limit the time I spent outside playing with friends. The problem has therefore taken on a new essence, one that is solvable. Maybe her insistence was due to past experiences or even loneliness as a single parent.
Attempted Solution(s)
For any person to have resorted to a counselor concerning a particular situation there must have been several attempts to solve the problem which yielded little or no results. In this case my mother tried to beat me into compromising. She had also meted out several corporal punishments and last but not the least I had been scared out of the house several times to have deterred me from either coming back home late or going out to play soccer with my friends but all these to no avail, as I persisted in going out to play soccer with my friends.
These quickly prompt for a fresh and new approach to solving the problem other than what has already been done to solve it, but failed. This fresh approach to solving the problem will in a greater sense limit any resistance from my mother (a single parent, career woman) who is weary of repeating the same things trying to change me but with no fruits to show for. Change is a difficult process, and this applies to both my mother and I; she might resist because she is susceptible to change. The question is what new thing can be done to increase contact hours at home.
Goal Setting
I used to leave the house after lunch time and come back home after eight in the evening. These were crucial times for my mother as she badly needed her older son to be around to help take care of the bar (beer bar) as she made her way to town to order for new stock. Perhaps the goal will be to have me around after four or five in the evening so that she could also have ample time to get her things done. So from four to eight my mother would expect me to be home but this would not come easily so some measures will have to be put in place which will be mutually beneficial to both my mother and I. My “play-station” game had been destroyed; therefore, she could have decided to buy me a new one and insisted that I pay half the price of the game so that I will be home when she needs me. This is a clear goal that involves my mother and me, where both of us would have to make some compromise.
Implement Desired Goal (Solution)
The final step in this process is to implement those desired goal(s). Instead of simply buying the game for me to stay home, she realizes that I might not be a good steward to something I don’t contribute to but also she needs me to stay home and take care of the bar. She would probably decide to offer me some allowance for offering to come home early to help of which some portions will have to go into the purchasing of the game as my contribution to buying it. Until half the amount has been raised for the purchase of the game the agreement between my mother and I would go on. Hopefully by the time this arrangement expires she would have achieved her goal of increasing the number of hours I stay home. She would also be able to get me to comfort in a way that is desirable for both of us.
This can only be an authoritative style of parenting. In this approach to solving the problem, there was a dimension of a disciplinary strategy, warmth and nurturance, communication style evidently executed and expectations of maturity and control. At the end there is a win-win situation; mother achieves her expectations and targets of getting me to spend a couple of extra hours at home helping and I am equally satisfied to stay home because i'm more comfortable. Under this approach she has been able to execute her desirable goal without having to use corporal punishment.
Misconceptions of some biblical Texts
In Ghana there is a great misconception of some biblical passages on parenting. For example in Prov. 22: 15 [NAS] it says, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him”; in Prov. 13: 24 [NAS] it reads, “He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently”; again in Prov. 23:14 [NAS] it says “You shall beat him with the rod, And deliver his soul from Sheol” and finally Prov. 23:13 [NAS) says, “Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you beat him with the rod, he will not die.” Our basic understanding is that by literally using the rod on the child we can be able to remove foolishness far from him/her. Many out of shame beat their children sometimes even to the point of death. But can this be a right interpretation of these Scriptures? Obviously no! The emphasis here is about correction.
Perhaps the rod in the days of the Bible means a totally different thing in our contemporary world. The scope of this work cannot deal with the significance of the rod or even examine the rod in any significant measure. Again, we have come to believe that if children are not physically punished when they do wrong, their personal development will suffer. Let it suffice to say that this I say is a misconception. But this is not the case; children have been found to grow even worst in what they do when cruel methods are used to correct them. We can have creative ways of parenting in our application of Scripture without recourse to reward and punishment or even permissive or authoritarian styles of parenting as we have seen it demonstrated above. We are to discipline children with corrective measure which tend to make them learn from whatever wrong they have done and not necessarily beat the hell out of them.
Conclusion
This paper sought to look at possible ways to helping single parent, career women with parenting challenges. A position adopted was that although the target group or audience was the single parent, career women, parenting are the responsibility of both parents (the man and woman). Perhaps, it is advisable that couples adhere to one particular style of parenting which has the potential to help children develop into matured and responsible adults. Different styles bread discontentment among children towards the father (mostly) or the mother who would be seen as demonstrating signs of carelessness and acting as a strict disciplinarian toward the children.
Again, through the four-step approach to counseling in direct application to my life and mother, we realized that the authoritative style of parenting is the best style of parenting for a single parent, career woman. Haven said all these, it should be concluded that the training of our children should be done first and foremost in the fear of the Lord. “For the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom”.
This research is not in itself conclusive on the subject, therefore a further research into the topic would greatly enhance parenting in Ghana especially among single parents who also couple as career women.
[1] Michael Popkin, Active Parenting: Teaching Cooperation, Courage, and Responsibility (San Francisco: Perennial Library, 1987), vii.
[2] Ibid., ix.
[3] Penelope Leach, Children First: What Our Society Must Do--and Is Not Doing--for Our Children Today, 1st ed (New York: Alfred Knopf : Distributed by Random House, 1994), 31.
[4] Tosin Sulaiman, “AFRICA INVESTMENT-After Ghana Vote, Investors Turn to Economy,” Reuters, December 19, 2012, http://www.reuters.com/article/ghana-investment-idUSL5E8NH7RP20121219.
[5] “Ghana and Development,” The United Nations in Ghana, https://unghana.org/site/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=71&Itemid=290 (accessed December 18, 2015).
[6] Stephen Obeng Gyima, Jerry White, and Paul Maxim, “Cohort Perspectives on Women’s Educational Attainment and the Timing of Parenthood in Ghana,” Journal of Family and Economic Issues 26, no. 1 (March 2005): 123–42.
[7] Richard S. Sharf, Theories of Psychotherapy and Counseling: Concepts and Cases, 3rd ed (Pacific Grove, CA: Thomson/Brooks/Cole, 2003), 122.
[8] Ron Huxley, The Four Styles of Parenting-Personal Communication, 2001. Retrieved from http://www.psychiatry.emory.edu/PROGRAMS/GADrug/effect_on_children.html (Accessed December 28, 2015)
[9] DIANA BAUMRIND, “CHILD CARE PRACTICES ANTECEDING THREE PATTERNS OF PRESCHOOL BEHAVIOR,” Genetic Psychology Monographs 75, no. 1 (1967): 43–88.
[10] Maccoby, E. E. and Martin, J. A. Socialization in the context of family: Parenting-child interaction. In E. M. Hetherington (Ed.), Handbook of Child Psychology, Socialization, Personality and Social Development, Volume 4 edition (London: Wiley, 1983).
[11] Popkin, Active Parenting, 12–13.
[12] Popkin, Active Parenting, 8.
[13] Frederick Ocansey, “Early Adolescents’ Attitudes and Perceptions about Their Parents in Ghana,” 2004, http://reference.sabinet.co.za/sa_epublication_article/ifepsyc_v12_n2_a5.
[14] Leach, Children First, 31.
[15] Walter Byrd and Paul Warren, Counseling and Children, Resources for Christian Counseling, v. 22 (Dallas: Word Pub, 1989), 35.
[16] A statement from my contemporary Issues in Pastoral counseling professor, Dr. Tom Dooley which really meant a lot to me, and would probably live with it for the rest of my life.
[17] David Dillon, Short-Term Counseling, Contemporary Christian Counseling (Dallas, Tex.: Word, 1992), 85–204. These four step approach to counseling has been adopted from David’s work. They can be applied to any counseling situation for effective outcome.